Saying “No” Paves the Way for a Fulfilling “Yes

The author discusses the importance of saying ‘no’, emphasizing that every ‘yes’ inevitably entails a trade-off, meaning a ‘no’ to something else. They underscore the need for intentional decision-making and recognizing the full cost of commitments. As a useful New Year’s resolution, they propose figuring out what matters most and articulating these trade-offs, to prioritize more fulfilling ‘yeses’.

It’s easy to say, ‘yes’.

The words just roll off your tongue and land in the air between you and the person who is asking something of you. 

Yes, I can help. Yes, I can jump onto the call. Yes, I can bake those cookies. Yes, I can join that team. Yes, I can do that after school pick-up. Yes, I can squeeze that into my day. 

It makes us feel good (and important and accomplished) and it makes the person asking something of us feel happy. Which makes us feel even better. 

It’s hard to say ‘no’. It feels risky. 

You risk missing out, you risk disappointing someone, but most of all you risk missing out on how you should actually be spending your time.

For many years, I didn’t realize that every ‘yes’ had a trade-off. 

Instead, I wondered why I felt so busy. I couldn’t figure out why my hours at work and at home never seemed to be enough. What I didn’t realize was that every ‘yes’, meant a ‘no’ to something else. And vice versa. That every ‘no’ (even when it feels hard!), can actually allow for a more meaningful, fulfilling, and intentional “yes”. 

Once I made this connection, it was transformative. 

When I served as a pastor and ministry lead, I often reminded my supervisor (which I am not sure he loved!) that every ‘yes’ I said, actually meant a ‘no’ to someone else. Or a lesser, diminished ‘yes’ to another project. There are trade-offs to every ‘yes’. 

Sure, I can attend that brainstorming meeting. But it means that I won’t be able to meet a congregant for coffee. Yes, I can be in charge of baptisms and run the classes. But, it means that redeveloping the Small Group’s website will take longer. Of course, I can write that devotional. But, it means that I have one less hour for my own team development. 

Sometimes, we aren’t sure what the exact trade-offs are. But, if you can articulate the trade-off, you can start making better decisions, take better risks, and prioritize your days for more fulfilling ‘yeses’. 

As we stand a the starting line of a new year (hello, 2024!), don’t let my mistakes be yours. 

This year, instead of creating new goals or resolutions that will fall by the wayside soon, what if we look at what we can say ‘no’ to so that we can say our better ‘yes’?

Of course, it’s easier said than done. 

Here are some resources to help you along in figuring out where to spend your time, what to say ‘yes’ to in 2024, and what to start saying ‘no’ to.

  1. Figure out what matters most. Kendra Adachi at the Lazy Genius Collective is a pro at this. Listen to her talk about how to name what matters here.
  2. Articulate the tradeoffs. Look at your calendar and your running to-do list. What is on your list that you never get to do? What do you wish was on your to-do list? What do your current ‘yeses ‘keep you from doing? What can you add to your Don’t List? Challenge yourself to choose at least one thing to not do in the New Year. 
  3. Learn more about your best yes! I am not the first person to talk about this idea.  Lysa TerKeurst wrote a whole book on the topic. Check it out here. 
  4. Let me help you. If you feel stuck, or don’t know how to articulate the trade-offs, I would love to help you. Shoot me an email here and we will schedule a call.  

 

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