Uncategorized – Katie Evans

Saying “No” Paves the Way for a Fulfilling “Yes

The author discusses the importance of saying ‘no’, emphasizing that every ‘yes’ inevitably entails a trade-off, meaning a ‘no’ to something else. They underscore the need for intentional decision-making and recognizing the full cost of commitments. As a useful New Year’s resolution, they propose figuring out what matters most and articulating these trade-offs, to prioritize more fulfilling ‘yeses’.

It’s easy to say, ‘yes’.

The words just roll off your tongue and land in the air between you and the person who is asking something of you.

Yes, I can help. Yes, I can jump onto the call. Yes, I can bake those cookies. Yes, I can join that team. Yes, I can do that after school pick-up. Yes, I can squeeze that into my day.

It makes us feel good (and important and accomplished) and it makes the person asking something of us feel happy. Which makes us feel even better.

It’s hard to say ‘no’. It feels risky.

You risk missing out, you risk disappointing someone, but most of all you risk missing out on how you should actually be spending your time.

For many years, I didn’t realize that every ‘yes’ had a trade-off.

Instead, I wondered why I felt so busy. I couldn’t figure out why my hours at work and at home never seemed to be enough. What I didn’t realize was that every ‘yes’, meant a ‘no’ to something else. And vice versa. That every ‘no’ (even when it feels hard!), can actually allow for a more meaningful, fulfilling, and intentional “yes”.

Once I made this connection, it was transformative.

When I served as a pastor and ministry lead, I often reminded my supervisor (which I am not sure he loved!) that every ‘yes’ I said, actually meant a ‘no’ to someone else. Or a lesser, diminished ‘yes’ to another project. There are trade-offs to every ‘yes’.

Sure, I can attend that brainstorming meeting. But it means that I won’t be able to meet a congregant for coffee. Yes, I can be in charge of baptisms and run the classes. But, it means that redeveloping the Small Group’s website will take longer. Of course, I can write that devotional. But, it means that I have one less hour for my own team development.

Sometimes, we aren’t sure what the exact trade-offs are. But, if you can articulate the trade-off, you can start making better decisions, take better risks, and prioritize your days for more fulfilling ‘yeses’.

As we stand a the starting line of a new year (hello, 2024!), don’t let my mistakes be yours.

This year, instead of creating new goals or resolutions that will fall by the wayside soon, what if we look at what we can say ‘no’ to so that we can say our better ‘yes’?

Of course, it’s easier said than done.

Here are some resources to help you along in figuring out where to spend your time, what to say ‘yes’ to in 2024, and what to start saying ‘no’ to.

Figure out what matters most. Kendra Adachi at the Lazy Genius Collective is a pro at this. Listen to her talk about how to name what matters here.
Articulate the tradeoffs. Look at your calendar and your running to-do list. What is on your list that you never get to do? What do you wish was on your to-do list? What do your current ‘yeses ‘keep you from doing? What can you add to your Don’t List? Challenge yourself to choose at least one thing to not do in the New Year.
Learn more about your best yes! I am not the first person to talk about this idea. Lysa TerKeurst wrote a whole book on the topic. Check it out here.
Let me help you. If you feel stuck, or don’t know how to articulate the trade-offs, I would love to help you. Shoot me an email here and we will schedule a call.

Everyone wants to be part of a winning team.

I remember when the Jacksonville Jaguars nearly went to the Superbowl. I don’t even particularly enjoy football and I was swept up in the excitement, the anticipation, and the hope of the big win. The city came together, people bought shirts, put on bumper stickers, and had signs in their yards. Something about the idea of coming out on top, being the best, and winning exhilarated and united us. It feels good to be part of a winning team.

Do you lead a winning team?
Do your volunteers have a sense of collective excitement?
Do they get swept up and engaged as they work together towards the winning point?

Here are some things to think about as you create ways for your team to win together.

1 – Define the “win”.

Does everyone know what the win would actually be?

If you don’t define it, team members will come up with their own. You will find people working towards different end goals – causing an overall loss of momentum and conflicting energy.

Make sure the win is clearly stated and easy to understand. You shouldn’t need to spend an hour in training to ensure everyone understands what you are trying to do and what their role should be.

What is the ONE thing you want to see happen on your team that means everyone has been successful? It doesn’t mean that you can’t ask your volunteers to do other things too, it just means that everyone should understand that this one thing is a priority.

2 – Talk about the “win” more than you think you should.

Andy Stanley says, “Vision leaks”. And he’s right.

Repeat the “win” in as many different ways and environments as possible.

When asking someone to join your team, use this language as part of your ask. When thinking about your training, define the win. When you send emails to remind people of their schedule, re-share the story of why they are part of the team. You will feel as though you are talking about the goal too much, but you aren’t. You are most likely the only one who is constantly thinking about your team and what they are working towards accomplishing.

You are the one who can keep the vision and the “win” in front of the team.

3 – Share stories of winning.

What gets celebrated, gets replicated.

With that in mind, make sure that the things you are celebrating are the actual things you want to see happen again in your organization or team.

Share stories of how the team is winning via email, social media, newsletters, training, and in person. Handwrite a card thanking your volunteers and point out the way you saw them winning. Publically give awards or prizes to volunteers who are accomplishing the win, and make sure to highlight the story of how they “won” in that particular way.

Sharing a story helps you not simply tell someone what the “win” looks like, but to show them. It gives the vision feet and legs to stand upon and allows your team to understand what a real, life version of winning might look like and then they can emulate it.

Think about the teams you are leading.

Can everyone clearly articulate the goal?

If not, spend some time this week defining the “win”, planning how to share it in multiple communication streams, and how you will celebrate it. It’s more fun to be part of a team that’s winning – help your team understand how to win and keep celebrating it.

Servant Leadership.

I’ve worked with multiple leaders over the years, but there are two that stand out for me as servant leaders. They were the ones leading both out front and from behind.

I specifically remember one leader routinely jumping in at the end of our weekly event to stack chairs, throw away the trash, and pack away all our lighting equipment. The other leader I’m thinking about would often quietly shrug on an orange vest and could be found greeting in the parking lot before preaching. Often new guests would be surprised to find out that he was actually the pastor! It wasn’t the only thing they did and certainly wasn’t all the time. However, when they were able, they made the intentional choice to lead by serving in what could be seen as “lesser” roles: clean up and parking. And these seemingly small, simple, choices set the culture for staff, leaders, and volunteers.

These conscious choices created a ripple effect:

1 – Increased buy-in and camaraderie from volunteers

It’s tempting to imagine that the Superbowl of Sunday morning is the preaching, while the menial jobs can be outsourced to less important people. And while it might be natural to think about ranking the roles on a Sunday morning from greater to lesser, these intentional choices to serve erased all rankings. Instead, all jobs were vital and needed to be completed.

In the same way that a household must have certain tasks done daily to run smoothly, a church has a variety of jobs that must be done. No one in the family is too important to take out the trash, do the dishes, clean up spills, and change the baby’s diapers. Imagine telling your spouse, “I’m more of an idea person…so I’ll be opting out of the lesser tasks in our home”. It probably wouldn’t go over very well. Rather, everyone pitches in when they see a need. In the same way, the leader jumped in wherever the need was greatest.

As the leaders served alongside the volunteers, it contributed to a “We’re all in this together” mentality. Rather than feeling as though they were working “for” this leader or organization, it felt as though they were working “with” them. It’s always more fun to work together towards a common goal and to feel as though your work is seen, valued, and needed.

2 – Pulled in new volunteers

For better or worse, the senior leader is the most visible person in the organization. The reality is that what this person gives their time and attention to signals importance and value. Newcomers (or regular attenders) would see the leader serving alongside others and their interest would be piqued. It would prime the pump, so to speak, for them to be asked about joining a team.

Their intentionality to serve also spoke volumes about the leader’s character and humility. Even though they drove the vision of the organization, preached multiple services, and lead the staff team, they didn’t see themselves as being above doing some of the household jobs that needed to get done. This, in turn, makes the ask to volunteer that much easier – you aren’t asking someone to do something that you won’t do yourself.

Of course, it must be said that this isn’t possible in all areas of an organization. In fact, the senior leader can not and should not have their hand in every part of the organization. This isn’t an excuse for micromanagement. They should be able to trust their leaders and staff and allow them to lead in their lanes. It’s simply a way to support, lead, and encourage those working on the front lines of an organization by coming alongside and serving as they are able.

I am reminded of an interview I heard between Andy Stanley and Frank Blake, former CEO of Home Depot. When reflecting on the turn around of Home Depot under his tenure as CEO, he credited two weekly tasks. The first was that he made time to put the iconic orange apron and walk the floor of Home Depot, interacting with customers, helping where he could, and getting a sense of the customer and employee’s experience on the ground level. The second was that he would spend time hand writing notes of appreciation to various store managers, corporate leaders, and store associates. He wanted to lead well from both the top and the bottom of the organization. He didn’t have to do either one of these things. In fact, I suspect his calendar would say he was too busy for either of them. However, looking back, he credited much of Home Depot’s success to the hour or two each week he spent on these seemingly “unimportant” tasks.

What would it look like to not only lead from the front of the organization, but from below, or the back?

Thinking about your week, where could you come alongside your volunteers or staff members to support, encourage, and serve in a new way?

Maybe it’s just 30 minutes or an hour out of your 40 hour week, but it could possibly become the most effective time you spend this week.

Discovering What God is Doing -Together.

The mystical, mysterious practice of discovering what God is doing next in a particular people at a particular time has been one of the most joyful, difficult, and thrilling moments.

Standing outside of a current situation, looking at all the pieces of a particular part of an organization and asking the questions, “What is God doing? What should happen next? Where do we need to position all these pieces so that we can take the next step of faithfulness?” is unlike anything else. The process starts out full of hope and anticipation, feels muddy and messy and slow in the middle, and then just when you think it might never happen, the end result comes into view. And it’s more beautiful and just right than you could have ever imagined. It may not be what you’ve imagined, but you have been part of partnering with God to co-create His vision. That’s what makes it just right.

I have two favorite approaches to the process.

1 – The, “Why did you say yes? ” Question

After you gather the right people in the room, I ask the question, “How did you end up here in this room today? Why did you say yes to being part of this process?”

The answers might be surprising but can do the work of setting the tone for the group. It increases the group’s commitment to the process and to each other right from the start. When others begin to hear the “why” of those in the circle, when they can resonate and connect with some of what they are hearing, it begins to remove barriers, reminds us that we are all on the same team, and begins to build the relational web that will be needed to bear the weight of the process.

2 – Introduce the Prayer of Indifference. And then actually pray it each time you gather.

It’s been hugely important to acknowledge that as individuals we each walk into the room carrying our own hopes and dreams and baggage around the particular topic. Perhaps we have already decided that the best course of action and are very glad someone finally became wise enough to ask us. Or we have come ready to share the myriad of ways that this ministry has hurt us in the past and come ready to finally have our say. Perhaps we have been part of another organization that has done things the “correct” way and we want to see those changes instituted. Whatever it is, we all come through the door carrying our own “stuff” – Our own feelings, expectations, hopes, and dreams.

Ruth Haley Barton’s book Pursuing God’s Will Together: A Discernment Practice deeply impacted my approach and it’s from her that I have borrowed the Prayer of Indifference. As she says,

“The prayer of indifference expresses the fact that we have come to a place where we want God’s will—nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. It means we want God’s will more than our own personal comfort or safety, more than ego-gratification or wanting to look good in the eyes of others, more than our own pleasure or preference, more than whatever it is we think we want. It is a state of wide openness to God in which we are free from undue attachments and have the capacity to relinquish whatever might keep us from choosing for God and for love in the world. It is a prayer in which we abandon ourselves to God.”
Ruth Haley Barton

Barton goes on to describe Mary’s prayer in Luke 1:38 as a Prayer of Indifference. When the angel came to tell Mary that she would become the mother to the savior of the world, Mary responds, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your word.” Likewise, Jesus sets aside his own wants, fears, and desires when he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane the ultimate prayer of indifference, “Not my will but yours be done”.

When your group can earnestly and honestly, before God, pray this prayer together, the work of discerning what God is doing is that much more beautiful.

It certainly isn’t easy. However, it is worth it.

Each time I’ve been a part of this process, I am reminded that God has even more invested in our ministry than we do. That His ways are not our ways and that He really can do anything – far more than we could ever imagine or guess or request in our wildest dreams.

Trusting the tiny drops.

I lean towards being an all-or-nothing type of person.

It’s mostly a mind game for me but often find myself thinking that if I can’t do something 100% that I shouldn’t waste time doing it. Which, for some people, might be true. If you are in medical school becoming a neurosurgeon or a gymnast training for the Olympics, if you can’t go in 100%, perhaps you are on the wrong path.

However, as a regular person, living an ordinary life, I’m learning to be ok with the concept that a little bit of something is better than none.

I’ve seen this play out in homeschooling time after time. My natural inclination is to create elaborate lesson plans or find intricate printables with endless supplies. Lately, though, I’ve been amazed that just a little bit of something each day (or at least more days than not!) can actually make a huge difference. We might work on a new concept for 5-10 minutes and then put it away until the next day. And, then work on it again and again and again. And then, suddenly we’ve gone miles by taking very tiny steps. This is how we’ve learned the alphabet and letter sounds, how we’ve learned the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 23. It’s how we are working on Australian history and our marine biology unit. Just little tiny drips in the bucket, consistently, and over time, those dops fill up the bucket!

I wonder how this idea might also be true in other parts of our lives? In our spiritual lives? A project or something we wanted to learn? Parenting and working on manners or character? Maybe a fitness goal or a health milestone?

When I was pastoring, often people would come to me discouraged that they hadn’t learned all that they thought they should have about the Bible or that they hadn’t read enough scripture that day or week. I used to tell them, “A little bit of the Bible is better than none of the Bible”. While reading the entire bible in three months is an amazing goal, if you can’t get it done and so you quit, it’s not the best goal. A little bit of reading the scriptures when you think you have no time is better than skipping the life-giving nourishment that’s on offer. And, when the little drips add up, before long, you will have read more than expected or gone further than you hoped you could have.

I have a friend who says, “Most people overestimate what can be done in one month and underestimate what can be done over the course of a year”. I know it’s true of me. I forget what can be accomplished in me, through me, and in the people around me with just a little bit at a time.

So, take a deep breath. Keep on putting one foot in front of the next. Don’t stop reading the scriptures with your coffee for 10 minutes, practicing a few letter sounds with your preschooler, memorizing a psalm half a verse at a time with your first grader, or exercising for 15 minutes even when you hoped for an hour.

May we trust that God will take the little bits we offer up consistently and faithfully over many days and weeks and months. And that He will use those little drips and drops to fill the bucket to overflowing.

Chasing God.

If I ever feel discouraged, or as though God is far off, I remember the way that He met the two of us through a series of extraordinary circumstances. And remember, as Paul tells us in Ephesians 3, that God can do anything you know. Far more than we can hope or imagine or request or dream in our wildest dreams.

Have you ever thought you were chasing God, but once you get close, you realize it was actually Him doing the chasing?

That is really the only way to explain how I came to be sitting in the stairwell of a hostel in Barcelona at 3am while a pastor from Brazil explained what it was like to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

I grew up attending church, but never really remember hearing much about the Holy Spirit. I’m sure He was there, the pastors probably even talked about Him. But, it wasn’t until college that I would learn enough to want to learn more.

When my college pastor preached about the Holy Spirit, I felt as though I was waking up from a deep sleep. My faith felt more alive, more real than before and I wanted to understand and experience the gifts of the Spirit. My friend Jessie and I asked question after question of our pastor over Chick -Fil – A sandwiches and fries. I was most intrigued by speaking in tongues, probably because it seemed the weirdest, least in my own control, and outside of anything I had ever experienced.

The summer of our junior year of college, Jessie accepted an internship in Bordeaux, France and we found ourselves scheming to travel. First to Barcelona and then make our way to Bordeaux as she started her summer internship. We stayed in a hostel in Barcelona and several days into our trip we met two different travelers – Fabio and Leandro. Fabio was from Brazil and Leandro from Venezuela and we spent a couple of days exploring Barcelona with our new friends. While walking and talking our way over the city, we learned Fabio was a pastor and Leandro was an atheist. One afternoon we sat in a park sharing our stories of faith and God and His love with Leaandro. I wonder if he ever thinks of that day and if it made an impact on his view of God.

Later that evening, after discovering that Fabio was a pastor, we brought him the same questions that swirled in our minds about the Holy Spirit and particularly about the gift of tongues. The three of us sat huddled in the stairwell of the hostel leaning in as Fabio said in as many ways as he could, “the words are in your heart and in your mouth. Just open your mouth and speak”. With heads and hearts still spinning from trying to understand and dissect the gifts of the Spirit, Jessie and I fell into our bunk beds at about 3am. We missed our alarm the next morning and literally ran out the door with our suitcases for our train to Bordeaux. We made it (barely!) and spent the train ride comparing notes, reading the Bible, searching for clues, and marveling that we had unexpectedly met someone like Fabio.

Did we ever speak in tongues or not? That’s not really the point of this story. The point is that I thought I was chasing God. I thought I was closing in on Him, learning more, growing closer. And then, in His kindness and His goodness and His sovereignty, Jessie and I booked two twin beds in the same room at the same hostel that a charismatic pastor from Brazil would be staying. And in that moment, in the stairwell, I realized that it was God who had been chasing me this entire time. Only God could orchestrate something so perfectly – that he could use someone from another country to meet us on holiday to share something more of God’s heart with us.

Still Little.

It must have happened right under my nose because you grow every day and yet every day feels the same. And yet, hundreds of the same every-days must mean that nothing stays the same.

August 4, 2021
Sydney, Australia

Luke.

I looked into your eyes and caught my breath.

In one moment I see you as a baby, a toddler, a five-year-old, and then the young man you are growing into.

You have freckles now. When did that happen?

It must have happened right under my nose because you grow every day and yet every day feels the same. And yet, hundreds of the same every-days must mean that nothing stays the same.

I pray you stay sweet and kind and compassionate.

Just the other day, you explained to Chloe that you would both get married and wouldn’t live in the same house any longer. You were so calm and patient and matter-of-fact about it.

I pray you would come to know God. To love him with your whole heart and to see the world through His eyes.

I pray that you could see yourself through my eyes. Through God’s eyes.

And then the moment passed.

You put on your headphones, turned on Boxcar Children and you snuggled up next to me on the couch. Still little. Still small. And yet, every day a little older.

The Whole Earth is Full of His Glory

The content expresses the author’s experiences of witnessing God’s work around the world, from Nepal to Kolkata, and the decision to move to Sydney. They reflect on moments where they felt God’s clear guidance and the beauty of experiencing God’s glory in different places. The author cherishes the opportunity to show their children the vastness of God’s world.

Isaiah 6:3
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

Psalm 24:1-2
The earth is the Lord’s and all that is in it, the world, and those who live in it;
for he has founded it on the seas, and established it on the rivers.

There have been hundreds of moments that have led us to where we are today. So many little moments and experiences and opportunities that lead us to step confidently through the door that God was opening. And it didn’t feel forced, but it also felt as though God had so clearly swung wide the door that to not go would have felt disobedient.

That time during worship at a conference where the Lord whispered to me, “The entire earth is mine. It’s more than what you’ve seen with your eyes. I am going to show you more of my earth”.

The time I backpacked into the foothills of the Himalayas and gave out radios so the Nosu people could hear stories about Jesus come across the radio waves. In the days before our trip, God gave me a picture of people from every nation bowing down and worshiping God – including the faces of the Nosu people. And I clearly heard, “If you don’t go, who will”?

When my parents decided to take their 7 and 13-year-olds to the U.K. for the first time. Even as a 13-year-old, I remember stepping out of the train station in Bath, staring in wonder at how small everything seemed compared to the United States, and feeling as though I might be seeing the world as it truly was for the first time.

I remember volunteering at one of Mother Teresa’s homes for the sick and dying in Kolkata, singing the same worship song over the ladies there that nearly 10 years later I would sing over my own children at bedtime. I saw true poverty in Kolkata for the first time and heard the Lord whisper, “Even this is mine”.

That time God gave me a prophetic word for our guide in Germany. I nervously prayed with her and was suddenly filled with a tangible sense of God’s joy and pleasure as a woman I didn’t really know, heard that she was known and loved and had not been forgotten by God. I marveled that God was at work halfway across the world and I got to be a part of it.

From across the United States to Jamaica to Mexico, from Nicaragua to Uganda, to China, from Great Britain and Ireland to Germany, Australia, Switzerland, from Spain to India and Costa Rica, I have learned that God is at work all over the earth. As the Psalmist says, “The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it”. We don’t go to bring God to these places, but we do get the joy of bearing witness to what God is doing in these corners of the world.

It might sound different, it might smell different, it might even feel different. But the beauty of our Father is that he is Lord over all, always at work, redeeming, creating, and breathing life into unexpected places. And we get to witness it.

And so, when the opportunity came for us to move to Sydney, Australia for a season, it felt as though for many years, God had been laying the foundation for the decision to be “yes!”.

It felt like God was breathing life into our family’s value of travel and adventure and that we were about to be able to show our kids that God’s world is bigger than we can see as never before. And when we saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time at the famous Bondi Beach, the kids danced with joyful abandon and Psalmist’s words came to mind, “The whole earth is full of your glory, Lord”.

Choose to Dance

Originally Written July 2021
Sydney, Australia Lockdown

We’ve been learning about native Australian birds and their names. There’s the Australian Ibis, with their long curved beaks, ready to steal your food at any moment. There’s the Magpie Lark with its black and white coloring; we’ve seen some Lorikeets, with bright colors flashing in the trees, and the Cock-a-too, with their shrieks sounding an alarm as they soar overhead.

And then, there are the brolgas. I thought they were cranes, and they are, but specifically, they are Brolgas. They are most known for their elaborate, energetic courtship dances and once they find their mate, they stay paired for life.

This month, I’ve been walking along the harbor and passing a fountain, with statues of dancing brolgas. And it made me wonder a bit about the fact that there are brolgas dancing right on through lockdown. (Both the statues and the real ones in the wild!) And what is dancing, but a type of celebration? We dance at weddings because we are celebrating the bride and groom. We dance in our living rooms with our kids because it’s pure joy. Many cultures (outside of America) dance in worship. King David danced before the Lord so much so that his wife told him to stop being so undignified. And yet, he kept right on dancing.

And here, in the midst of the hard, we get to choose to dance as a way of resistance. We get to choose joy and celebration in the midst of the grim and depressing news headlines. Despite the growing covid numbers, the lockdown extensions, and the disappointment, we get to dance. And perhaps dancing looks different for each one of us. Some of us are toe-tappers, some are county line dancers who know all the steps, still, others love partner dances, and some can abandon their entire bodies to the dance – swaying and swinging and twirling to the beat. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, it just matters that you do it.

In the midst of a world that feels crazy, that feels like the walls are closing in, and like Covid might have the last word, the brolgas are dancing.

And we get to join them if we will only step out and try.