“Will you place your calling on the altar?”
I was pumping gas and heard the words in a split second. The image of Abraham binding Issac and placing his only son on the altar before God immediately followed. These words surprised me and were nothing that I could have made up. How in the world could He ask me to lay it on the altar? To release my grip? Since that moment, I have seen that image and heard those words gently coming back to me in moments of quiet – while driving, drifting off to sleep, washing my daughter’s hair, this persistent small, still, voice that says, “But, will you place your calling on the altar”?
I push it aside because this can’t be the actual voice of God. This can’t be what God is saying to me. I have been waiting to discover the “next thing” that God has for me. The next thing to use my giftings on, that elusive thing that will pay enough for me to get a babysitter and get out of the house. The thing that will give me a role and a place and a seat at the table…any table, besides my kitchen table.
And yet, when I hear the voice again this week, I don’t ignore it. I turn to the story of Abraham and Issac and the moment when God asks him to sacrifice his beloved son. I’ve always felt uncomfortable with this story. Why would God test Abraham in this way? And in a way that feels traumatic for his longed-for and cherished son? What would make Abraham trust God in such a way that he would go through with it?
I have more questions than answers, but I notice that perhaps Abraham didn’t really expect to give up his son. He tells Issac that God himself will supply the sacrifice. In addition, he tells his servants that he and his son will see them in a couple of days. And yet, Issac still carries the wood on his back. Abraham binds him as the sacrifice and lays him on the altar. He raises his knife. He prepares to obey God. Even if it means giving up the very thing that God gave him just a few short years ago.
Does the fact that he doesn’t actually think he will end up going through with the sacrifice make it any less about his obedience? Or make it any less of a story of God’s faithfulness? I’m not sure yet. God, Himself, does indeed provide a sacrifice. And in fact, the story prophetically foreshadows another story about another beloved, only son. This son carries the cross on his back and although he asks for the cup to be taken away, he does not turn away. He remains obedient, even to the point of death. Yet, we find out in three days time, that even death does not have the final word. What appears to be the way of death and the way of defeat is in fact the most glorious victory in history. And isn’t it just like God, just like the way of the upside-down kingdom where in the values and the economy of God, death is actually turned to life?
Even though it feels like death to set my calling on the altar of God, what if it’s actually the very path to life? All I can do, like Abraham, is trust God with the life He has given me. Each step forward is a step into the way of obedience and the way that leads to life.
What is it that you are holding tightly to today?
Are there areas of your life that you are holding onto for dear life? That you are white-knuckling? What might need to die, so that God can bring new life into your life?
May we trust in the God of Abraham.
May we trust that He knows what He’s doing.
That He has our best interests at heart.
May we open our hands in surrender and rest in His faithfulness.
Katie Evans 